after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
