i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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