girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
