i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You don't make any sense
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