When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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