so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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