I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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