I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
