Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
