Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
