ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
