i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
