i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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