i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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