He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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