I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
