The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
