Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
