how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
