the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize