he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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