While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
