I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
