i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
there is glitter all over my balls
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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