I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
