are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
