I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
