so that wasnt chicken after all
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
