I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
worst night to have a conscience
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
