I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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