I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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