we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
