He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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