When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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