Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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