I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
