life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
