I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize