We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize