dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
