Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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