If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
