literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize