Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
