What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
