My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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