Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
