CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize