So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize