she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
