You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
