Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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