Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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