I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
