her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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