He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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