Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
