I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
