he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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