Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
