The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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