i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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