Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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