party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
