You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
