areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize