You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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