I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
