New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
