'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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