I bet he comes in French.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
