I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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