bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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