i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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