my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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