I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
