I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
