You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
high people should be assigned attendants
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
