Kiss
Puke
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
