I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize