Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
