Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
