Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
