the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
