He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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