did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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