boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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