So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
