wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
