The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
