Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
