No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
