She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
