did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
