cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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