My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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