One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
