I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
