Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
