Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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