Sry I called you an 8
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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