We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
