okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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