You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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