BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
