We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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