so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
