I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
